STRUGGLING WITH THE NEWS..... 2-22-19
Feb 22, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK3osV34O_E

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hey everybody welcome to Thursday yeah
yes we are we are on Thursday what is
going on here Wow well it's really hala
Karim all right
so yes I have my Madone it but doughnuts
head cover on yeah okay you guys go
place so that I can talk it's okay leave
it there leave it there I want to show
you guys what I have been up to the last
couple of days so watch my show yo you
just wanted to show you guys what I've
been working on the last two days I did
give my cup turn ah yeah and this is one
of my first cups that I've made and this
one looks like a hot mess because it's
waiting for the epoxy which is makes it
shiny but this is my second one and it
just says be your own kind of beautiful
and this one will be shiny and just as
smooth as that one when it all gets done
yes you guys what do you guys think um
okay so with the blue one the blue and
white one
actually that was a boo boo Cup hmm boo
boo so I did it I did the whole the
steps I did everything but I don't think
that I let the um the Mod Podge cure as
long as it needed to so when I went
yesterday to apply my decals
glitter in the modpodge started to peel
and I was like oh and the epoxy and I'm
like oh no like this is just not
happening right now like now well it was
there was no getting by it so I had a
strip that an entire cup and if you guys
have any clue what that entitles I did
find an easier way which was I just took
my nail drill and I just went blue and
drilled it all off it took me about two
and a half three hours to drill it off
but I was a hot mess I was a glitter
mess I was in everything mess but you
know what it was okay it worked so I
ended up having to strip it and redo the
whole thing
but I did find some easier techniques so
I'm really excited to see how this is
gonna turn out I think there it's gonna
work a lot better and I did not know
that epoxy will cure better in heat
environment like in a warm environment
rather than something cold and my house
is always cold like I always keep my
house really chilly I just I don't know
why but I've always been that type of a
person but I but if it gets too cold
then we'll spike the heater throw you
know get the house nice and warm and
then we'll shut it off and would just
let it rest you know whatever well what
I did was last night I kept my high the
bright light I just had it shining which
is why you can I don't have it on me
because I actually have it on my cup so
I'm just hoping that this is gonna work
and that it's gonna do what it's
supposed to do um so yeah I I'm excited
that it seems to be working out I have
the other cup that I will do epoxy but I
have to let this cup turn for at least
three hours before I can take it off the
Turner and then I can apply the next cup
and then let that one turn for three
hours before I can let it off the Turner
so anywho that has been what has been
keeping me busy for the last couple of
days I was able to the last couple of
two days ago three days ago I did get
everybody's boxes shipped off so
everybody should be receiving their
their stuff from each and everything
that you guys have all either ordered or
one or yeah no I'm trying I'm trying to
catch up on everything just set it up
there oli is out so I have the babies
with me so that's why you hear them
playing in the background but yo that's
part of being a stay-at-home mama
um and yes Missa loofah girl
that's what Omar named her found her
resting spot now you guys I am gonna ask
you all if you guys find the small mini
loofahs send them my direction I am
going to decorate this thing with all my
little loofah balls I know that sounds
so quirky and probably so corny but you
know what because it's an inside joke
with our channel I have to do it like I
just absolutely I was thinking about it
the other day I was like I sprayed air
freshener I was like you know what beans
this is like an inside joke we have to
do it so I don't want the really big
ones because I do want to keep like my
waldecker
you know deep or up but I want to
decorate this down here so if you guys
ever run into little mini loofahs let me
know and I'm gonna hang them up I'm just
absolutely love them so anyways umm what
else let's do our book reading here is
our book as most have always asked what
is a bet you read so and I do have the
description down in my description box I
believe it's still there I did put it
there one day so it should be still
there I will double-check though before
I upload the video I did get it off
Amazon and it's such an amazing book I
absolutely love it so
you're vacuuming great
okay so January 21st remember we're not
on home or off of on-air days because I
received this book after the 1st of
January and it's a 90 day transformation
book so I just you know I throw the date
out there because there's been people
that have asked for like the date so
they can follow along because they've
also purchased the book so that's why
I'm telling you guys the date anyways
January 21st the most important promises
you'll ever keep are the ones you've
made to yourself don't let you down
let's read that one more time the most
important promise you'll ever keep are
the ones you've made to yourself don't
let you down that is that's Wow that is
so true because you know I think in life
we find times where we set high high
promises to people and people will
always let you down someway somehow it's
just it's it's just something I'm full
of glitter it is something that is just
part of life you know but when you find
yourself making a promise within
yourself as in like with me I've made
promises to myself that I am going to
get healthy that I'm going to you know
work on my health and my weight you know
but I have made promises to myself that
I am going to put myself above everyone
else right now and you know at first I
think that it sounded selfish you know I
think that it was just like one of those
things but when you set high priority
promises to yourself it's always
something that you tend to keep to a
point because at the end of the day
who's gonna let who down
are you gonna let yourself down are you
gonna allow yourself to fall into the
the whole aspect of you know you can't
you know I for like I was saying is you
know at the very beginning of this whole
journey when I started it I felt like I
was being so selfish by making it all
about me but at the end of the day I had
to make it all about me because if I
didn't I would never have stopped long
enough to really take the time to learn
about myself and who I am and that has
been really hard for me because I'm not
used to that I'm not used to a me taking
time for herself a me you know thinking
and worrying about what needs to happen
and what needs to go on for me to become
more healthier mentally physically
emotionally you know in all aspects of
my life but at the end of the day if you
make a promise to somebody if somebody
promised me a me I will be by your side
during the time that you're you know on
this journey guess what I've been let
down I have been let down by a few
people that were very close to me that I
thought would be there and really
encouraged me and be my biggest
supporters and in reality they're
nowhere to be found but who is there for
me me me that is the one person that I
can say 100% without a shadow of doubt
will never let myself down is my self
because I know that I have to be there
for myself because only my self is going
to be there at the end of the day nobody
else is gonna be there at the end of the
day when I die nobody's gonna go with me
only myself so only my promises are
gonna go with me nobody else's promises
are gonna stand true the day that I take
my last breath so that really speaks
high volumes because it is very true
stop putting your trust and hope and
allowing people to make promises for you
because those promises at the end of the
day are so empty
so empty they could hold their promise
for a few years but one day somebody's
gonna let you down and then that's gonna
possibly ruin everything that you have
done for yourself because you put so
much hope and trust in somebody that
they they're their choice of action of
you know giving up on their promise to
you will backtrack you and you will end
up back at square one because you put so
much hope into them rather than putting
it into yourself but you know the last
couple of days I've really been kind of
going through a little bit emotionally
and I think just because hey he's such a
drama King okay hold on I said I will
fix it okay anyways I've just been going
through a lot emotionally I think just
because of what all I'm facing medically
you know I have this doctor's
appointment coming up on Monday the
ultrasound and that's gonna tell me you
know some answers that I might not want
to hear and you know it's so hard
because I have two people in my life
that I'm very close to one being my mom
well I'm not 100% close to her but you
know she's my mom you know either way
around it and I have a really good
friend of mine and both of them have
been completely m.i.a
like you know when I needed to talk to
somebody about something that I'm truly
going through they've just completely
been non-existent you know I talked to
my mom three different times about the
situation that I'm facing and just as I
start something comes up and she's got
to go and you know this last time I told
her I said mom call me back when you're
you know as soon as you have time so I
really want to talk to you about my
doctor's appointment
she said oh okay and she's like oh that
just doesn't sound like it's really good
news and I said well just call me back
and I really want to talk to you and
share what's going on she's like okay
honey I will and I'm like okay that was
two days ago and I haven't heard a
callback and it's just like you know
whenever you know she's needed me to be
there as a confidant and someone to talk
to and you know share things with I'm
always there you know I'm always there
to be that ear to hear and you know when
my very close friend was going through
some things you know through her
marriage and just different things going
on in her life I always was there I
would sit on the phone for hours and
talk her through her tears and you know
try to be the best person I could be
availability wise although I am very
busy I still found time in both of their
you know times of need I always found
time to be present because I want to be
there for the people that I truly care
for but I don't see that being the
situation with me you know when I needed
them the most either one of them were
not available and I can say yes I
understand that they both have things
going on in their life that could be
taking them away from being available to
me but I could say the same thing and
it's just you know this reading today
was so good because at the end of the
day I can't I can't stress enough to
myself that people are going to let me
down people are going to do it but for
me I'm the only one that's never gonna
let myself down as long as I don't lose
that hope and train of vision you know
and it's so it's just been a little bit
tough the last couple days you know I
last night I didn't sleep very well I
haven't been eating very well I just
haven't had an appetite I'm trying to at
least keep fluids in I I got one of my
husband's mason jars and you know
something about drinking water out of a
mason jar just it tastes so much better
it's that weird or what so I've been
drinking a lot of water and stuff but I
just haven't had an appetite I think
emotionally and mentally I'm just in two
different places right now that I just
am not being present for myself
and you know I need to shake it off and
I need to just get in with the game
because I just don't know I I don't know
where emotionally where I am at you know
and I I know that that's normal for
everybody to hit those spots in their
life but I think it's just been a little
bit more painful for me emotionally
because I thought that the two people
that I would be you know that would be
there to hold my hand and you know one
cannot physically be here because that
person lives far away but my mom is only
an hour away and you would think that
she would try and be more present in my
life especially going through what I'm
going through but she doesn't know that
because she hasn't even taken the time
to call me to find that out that it's
just hard to take the concept of how can
I be available to so many people but
when I look over my shoulder to find
somebody that I truly thought would be
there and is not there that's sad that
is truly a very bad thing to film now I
am gonna say I want to thank everybody
that has been there for me that I didn't
you guys you're so amazing because it's
like you know these friendships that I
have been building with so many
different amazing people has been so
awesome that when I say that no one is
there for me I'm not speaking in terms
of you guys because each and every one
of you that are here on my channel you
guys have made a difference with the way
that I have been able to process
everything going on mentally through
this whole journey of diagnosed and
where I go with this and what am I you
know I have to be my own advocate I have
to Omar honey honey you're hitting my my
tripod
I have to be my own advocate and so one
thing that I plan on doing is making a
list of things that I need to talk to my
doctor about and you know before I go
into this 100% and that is very
important to me is I am gonna go back
and I I'm really leaning towards
possibly having him go ahead and do the
surgery of going in and you know lie
Prescott Berkeley going in and really
checking my my uterine wall and all of
that cuz I really want to know I don't
want to go in this blindsighted and not
know for sure you know and be treating
me for something that maybe I don't have
and maybe if I don't have it maybe
there's something else wrong you know
but I don't want to just go into this
and guess what could be wrong and not
know for sure so I think that I am
gearing towards requesting for him to do
the surgery I think that that's
important I know that it you know like
you said all surgeries run risks and I
get that I understand that but at the
same time I think I am okay with that
because I want to know what's wrong I
want to know I don't want to be
blindsided you know there's many women
in my family that have had to have
hysterectomies due to uterine cancer
ovarian cancer in Dimitrios I mean
there's been multiple women in my family
and multiple people that I'm related to
so family that I've had have
hysterectomies due to periods being you
know all over the place I have an aunt
that had bladder cancer you know I mean
it just the list goes on and it's all in
those female areas that I think it's
important to just really know what is
going on all together so I just really
want to thank everybody for all of your
guys's support because honestly because
of you guys I have really been able to
emotionally get through this you know
because it's a big step for me and for
Olly and you know having that support
that has been needed is just it really
it's been amazing I'm sad that you know
the two people that I truly thought
would be there is not there I am sad
about that and I wish that it would have
been different but you know what I can't
change what's there I all I can do is
just continue to move on in life and
embrace the friendships that I have
because you guys have been amazing and I
could not be thankful more with you guys
than anything so anywho my babies need
to hit the hay I need and start to go to
bed because she's driving me absolutely
bonkers but I will check in with you
guys I'll check in with you guys egg
fill you guys in with what's going on
and I'll let you guys see the updates on
my tumblers and I will be soon selling
these so that's exciting but anyways let
me close here because clearly Ezra Ezra
Ezra come up on the bed clearly someone
needs to go to bed so anyways I'm going
to close here I hope you guys have a
wonderful wonderful wonderful rest of
your night and evening and day and
everything and I'll check in with you
guys tomorrow first thing in the morning
talk to you later
sweet dreams bye bye
